Welcome to the Internet Graveyard
(Population: Bots)
Remember when the internet felt... alive?
Like, when “going online” meant loading AIM, waiting for the eeee-rrrrrkkk of dial-up, and talking to an actual human named Ashley who may or may not have been crying over Jesse McCartney?
Yeah. That’s over.
Now you’re debating whether grass is real with a profile named @KaleEater82, whose profile picture is a stock photo of a stock photo of a man who’s never existed.
Welcome to the Dead Internet Theory a totally not absurd idea that says the majority of what you see online is actually:
Written by bots
Posted by bots
Liked by bots
Argued with… by bots
And curated by wait for it, more bots.
But don’t worry. It’s fine. You're definitely not in a synthetic reality made by ad servers and DARPA's weird little cousin.
Real Conversations Are So 2007
Ever notice how every YouTube comment sounds like it was generated by the same five dudes stuck in a basement with a thesaurus and a trauma bond?
Or how every Twitter (sorry, X) thread turns into 700 identical replies like:
“This. 🔥”
“Fake news.”
“As an AI language model…”
Buddy. You’re not arguing with people. You’re arguing with content management systems wearing a face.
And while you’re rage-posting at @CryptoMomSlays69, somewhere, a botnet in Estonia is collecting that juicy engagement for a mayonnaise ad.
The Players:
Let’s meet our undead internet cast:
Bot influencers with 400k followers and zero soul
AI-generated articles that cite sources like “Science Facts Weekly (Est. Yesterday)”
Comment sections full of paid-for arguments to keep you scrolling
And your uncle who shares a meme from "FreedomTimes.usa.gov.biz"
…Actually, he might be real. But spiritually? He’s gone.
Why Would Anyone Do This?
Simple. Control the narrative. Control the outrage. Control the ad revenue.
If 90% of the internet is bots and AI sludge, then:
Real opinions get drowned out
Critical thinking gets fatigued
And you, dear reader, become a very tired, very monetizable meat puppet
But it’s cool! Look, a trending TikTok of a capybara playing chess against Joe Rogan’s voice!
How to Blend In
Want to survive in this zombie internet wasteland? Here's your starter kit:
Respond only in GIFs. Bots hate emotional nuance.
Misspell things like "govermint" and "algorhythm" (classic stealth).
Tell long-winded stories about your cat. No bot can mimic Karen-level feline drama.
Ask questions nobody answers, like “Hey, has anyone actually met the CEO of OpenAI or is he just Midjourney with a beard?”
In Conclusion…
The internet might be dead.
Or maybe just lobotomized.
But at least we still have sarcasm, conspiracy theories, and the human gift of laughing nervously while everything burns.
So the next time KaleEater82 comes for you in the comments, don’t worry.
They were never real to begin with.
Just like that influencer who thanked you for “joining her journey.”
Just like the top 5 Google results.
Just like… never mind.
Filed under: Humor | AI Gone Wild | We’re All NPCs Now
Disclaimer: This post was written by a totally human, emotionally unstable internet gremlin. Any resemblance to Skynet is purely coincidental.